I got my red track suit on

I pull on my new straw hat

Don’t wait around honey bee

I’m taking a walk and won’t be back

I pass the kids skating past

They oughta stop talking smack

They got friends who ain’t here

Cause their poppy I whacked

The ladies at the track

They know I’m a made guy

When they need a good time

They know who to call

I may be eighty four

In my red track suit

When you hear me at the door

You know you done wrong

I was busting heads before your daddy came along

I was the bad boy before cops had shows

Before Joes dated broads on national tv

In my red track suit

So the next time you think some old guy

He’s a fool, what an old fart

He’s a badder ass than you’ll ever be

With his red track suit on

[Notes: File under, Songs I Will Never Write. I wrote this one day while in San Diego. I was walking along the beach when I saw this old guy speed walking along in a straw hat...

I don’t know when I realized my Dad was not a superhero. I knew he was stronger, wiser, and more powerful than me for a long time. Then one day that changed and I realized he was a normal guy, my Dad, and that was cool.

Now I am a Dad and on the flip side of this equation. My kids, 2 boys, they still think their Dad is a superhero.

Them: “Dad, are you going to win that race?”
Me: “No kids, I am just going to go do it for fun.”
Them: “But you can win it Dad, why don’t you want to?”

Today my oldest, 8 years old, said that someone’s Dad was in the Olympics and so the kid and his family got free tickets for the Olympics. Hence, I should be in the Olympics, then they could go and watch me.

I told them I am too old and not a professional athlete so that is not really possible. I then let them know, that their family can go to the Olympics for free some day. They asked how.

Me: “You pick...

My oldest has just did a week (4 of the 5 days) of Stanford Testing at his school. Several grades do the testing and it ranks the schools for comparisons across the state. Then across the US.

My son told me how some of this works and I thought it was cool that the schools are laying the groundwork to help the kids achieve their best. I don’t know if this is done for provincial wide testing in Ontario, but I know we did not do this when I was a kid. Here are some of the things they do:

• Kids are drilled on the length of the tests, the entire morning of each day, and are encouraged to get a lot of rest leading up to test week.
• Kids are to bring a bottle of water and a snack for during the test so they can keep refreshed during the exams.

This is the one I found the best:

• The kids all go out and run a lap around the school field first thing in the morning before the test.

I...

I volunteer at my youngest son’s kindergarten class. I am quite enjoying this and I get to hear some funny things from the kids.

I had to read a short book, about 12 pages, 2-3 sentences a page. There was a picture accompanying each group of sentences.

The pictures and sentences related to a season. I had to ask some open questions that the kids had to answer. This is where things got funny.

Photo: Two kids standing in rain with rain boots and raincoats.

Q: What would you wear if it was raining?

A: Rain boots, raincoats.

Q. When would you need that?
A. When it rains.

Hmmm, ok, let’s clarify for them, this is about seasons.

Q. What season would you need this?

A. All the time, it rains here every season.

Got me there, this is Seattle.

Q. Ok, well does it rain in the Summer, most of the time?
A. No.

Ok, we can mark Summer as not needing rain gear.

Onto next page, but I am...

The kids are doing a Spelling Bee at school. With that and their word lists they must know, for their respective grades, we are doing a lot of spelling practice at home.

This morning they decided to spring a Trap On Dad! They were going to quiz me.

I played along and answered a couple wrong, but very sillily wrong.

Then I got a good idea and waited for them to hit one of the big words (I figured they would switch to much harder ones when I got a couple correct). They went right for the word I wanted: something.

T1: Dad, spell something.

Me: Hmm, ok, Mark, M-A-R-K.

T1: Nooo!

Me: Nooo, N-O-O-O.

T2: No Dad, you have to spell something.

Me: Ok, how about turtle, T-U-R-T-L-E

T1 & T2: NOO Dad, you need to spell the word..

Me: Word, W-O-R-D.

T1 & T2: Hahahahaha

Me: Hahahaha, H-A-H-A-H-A-H-A.

T1 & T2: Hehehehehe

Me: Hehehehehe, H-E-H-E-H-E-H-E-H-E.

T1 & T2:

This went on for a several...